MH

Tonight, I cried.  I cried so hard I thought I would run out of tears.

But at least someone finally outdid you, Jonathan Crawford.

Damnit I’m hurting.

Achieving balance

I’m in a lot of pain.  This moving thing is killing me.

Now I just wish Elfa, Bertby, and Madison can be put up quickly.

Miscellaneous Nonsense

So I’ve been busy moving lately – not a lot to comment on here.  Once everything is settled I’ll be back.

I also realized that as I’ve been too busy moving, I have stopped writing for a bit, which helped me greatly emotionally.

Exaggerating Truths?

Another topic discussed by that post was the need to exaggerate truths in order to tell a story properly.  I feel that sometimes I need to do the same in order to tell a story properly.  When I feel like I wanted the audience to think how I think, to feel how I feel, and to temporarily place themselves in my shoes and my brain, I needed to exaggerate.  I want to paint an emotional picture to reflect how I felt, and perhaps give justification as to how I reacted a certain way.

Exaggerating the truth, however, is not quite lying.  The facts are all there – but since ultimately I wanted to convey accurately my emotional state in a certain moment, I wanted to find a way to get them to completely understand, or at least relate, to my story.

How much *can* you say on your own blog?

In reference to a previous post I wrote about…

The author of the other linked post made a very good point – and I quote:

Why share this? I don’t know. I’ve come across a blogger or two who seem to be struggling who how transparent they can be in their posts. It is a forum pretty much anyone can access. If they tell private details of their lives they risk offending involved parties. They also invite unwelcome comments and criticism from those referred to as “trolls.” I wonder if there isn’t a way to incorporate O’Brien’s thoughts on story-truth and happening-truth in the blogosphere. I know for myself, if I could take some of my happening-truth and craft it into a story, it might be cathartic for me. Something to think about.

I’m sure almost everyone has come across this once in a while.  I struggled with my livejournal posts, and my previous blogs.  I am still very sensitive to what I write here at times.  I like to maintain some form of privacy, but yet still be able to be open.  Should what I write on the blogosphere stay on the blogosphere and not enter into say, a real life interpersonal relationship?  Ideally, what I want is some control over the information flow, and how some people perceive what they read.

To that, I have come up with several (all really menial and poor) solutions to this problem.  The first is password protecting my posts, or keeping my posts private altogether.  This way I can write all that I want and only I will be able to read it.  Nonetheless, there is something not very satisfactory about it.  My other solution is to be cryptic in what I write.  This offers another drawback – I am not able to be honest in my own blog!

In any event, I think I’ll continue to do the same for now, until I can achieve a better balance / solution set to any of this.

Story-Truth vs. Real Truth

I read this very very meaningful post about telling stories and being online.  The author made a very very good point, and raised a few other good questions as well.  I’ll address that later.

hey…

I can love more than one person at a time, right?

Love takes many different forms, after all.  I’m not ashamed that I do love many people.  My friends, my very close friends, my soulmates, my family, my boyfriend.

I do have a lot of love in me still.

Freshness

Fresh white cherries are really delicious!  I have a bowl of them sitting in an iced water bath right now.  Once they’re chilled to the core, I’ll start devouring them.

And at $6.50 a pound, they needed to be pretty good.

I can’t quite change what cards I’m dealt with

…. but I can definitely change how I play them.

I met up with my friend Benji last night.  I have not had such good quality conversation in person in a long time.  I left feeling so good, so fulfilled.  I think this is what Dan would be in person.

We talked a lot – so much that I came home with a sore throat, even though over the course of a normal day of tutoring I would talk even more.  The three hours passed pretty quickly.  We talked about our relationships, our philosophies, our experiences.  I even got to talk to him about all these other people that I actually am a bit apprehensive to talk about.

It was a very cathartic experience.  I really felt like I connected with him.

Upon further thought, I have further synthesized about what I really wanted to say.  I’m trying to reflect that in more of my writings and story.

Took me almost four years

… but …

Jonathan Crawford, I’m finally over you. It’s really been a privilege, even though it didn’t work out.

I’d like to be friends – and I’d like to treat you right this time. Perhaps one of these days?